Screaming, crying, shouting - none of these stop the weight of panic
So instead I lay there, like fog the panic wraps itself around me, blurs my vision and in reality my thoughts.
I call it claustrophobia, I name it paranoia but its definition is fear.
I fear being left.
I fear being hurt.
In my dreams the fear manifests itself - nightmares, believable stories.
I fear waking up.
Will I return to the living and be a witness to it all crashing down around me?
Will I wake and be starting all over again?
I panic, overanalyse, I think about what I would feel if everything went wrong, how would I cope?
Then the panic releases its hold, the fear creeps back into its hiding place.
When I fall in love it is as far as you can fall
My family mean everything to me
Christmas is my favourite time of year - I adore everything about it
I have the best group of girls you will ever find
I have a spectacularly bad sense of direction
I am obsessed with shoes and handbags
I hate my indecisiveness
I know how incredibly lucky I am
I think about things, then I think about them again and again and again
I need constant reassurance on pretty much everything that I do
I will protect and fight for anything I believe in
"Some stories don't have a clear beginning, middle and end
life is about not knowing
dealing with change
taking the moment and making the best of it
without knowing what is going to happen next"
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